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Raven's Log
Stardate 2.28.04
In a broken seat on a Delta plane on my way to Bumf@#k, Wisconsin and I am really cheesed off (ha ha - hoo hoo, that was rich).
After writing a serious interview with a world class athlete in my last journal, it is time for something more educational. Last journal entry, everyone's I.Q., except Glenn's, dropped at least 13 points, this episode we will attempt to fill that void with knowledge.
The Democracy of Selling
The single most important skill to have if you want to be a professional wrestler is selling. Ironically, it is the one that almost everyone does poorly. Most people suck at selling. They don't sell enough when they should, they oversell when they shouldn't, they die when they should've just registered, or they register when they should be in agony. It's amazing to me how people think they can get over without that skill, because they can't and don't. Oh, they might get over in an, "ooh ahh great high spotkateer match" way, but not the kind of long lasting over like a Terry Funk or a Ric Flair. Not the kind of over that people go, "Oh man, remember that time ...."
For example, when Austin wouldn't tap out to the Sharpshooter and was covered in blood ... just by the words, "Austin not tapping to the Sharpshooter," conjures up the double turn, the build-up, the follow-up, Austin 3:16 and eight million other things. I don't want to get in another discussion of high spotkateers, the inherent lack of money making potential in that style, or things of that ilk, I just want to put you in a receptive state of mind to learn.
Selling is the single most democratic skill in wrestling because you don't have to have one iota of athleticism to do it. Look at Vince McMahon. The people cannot feel what is happening, they can only see it. So if you don't make it look convincing, no one will be able to suspend disbelief, which is the nail that wrestling hangs on. Most people don't sell convincingly when they remember to sell at all. I think years of watching bad wrestling on TV has imbued in performers, a certain state of mind, that that is how it should be done. Either that, or they're morons. If you get hit in the stomach hard, you double over, gasp for air, and try to straighten up. You don't just bend over like a robot and wait for something else. It would take too long to actually teach anyone to sell in these pages, but there are a few more points I'd like to make. Most people, the minute is it their turn to go on offense, immediately stop selling. Why? That makes no sense. If you've been hurt, how are you miraculously unhurt (unless its the comeback, which is completely different). How is it that a heel can have a babyface in trouble during the heat, the heel misses something, so the babyface stops selling, climbs to the top, hits a dropkick, fires up, shows the people he is unhurt, then collapses as if he were shot? Stupid. (I actually saw that recently and see variations on that at least 4 times a show, if not more). How, if a babyface on the sell, who is nearly dead and has been beat up for four minutes, finally, desperately, makes the hot tag, is able to instantly stand up and join in a four-way with no signs of previous injury? Why didn't he just make his own comeback? Because that would be equally dumb. It drives me insane watching bad selling. I scream at the TV, I yell profanities and worst of all, I bury people. I'm not proud of this behavior, but it just makes me so mad that the one skill no one works on to improve is selling. You see guys get in the ring and work on moves, but no one works on selling (or interviews but thats a whole 'nother subject). Why? Isn't it obvious that it's more important than flipping around? Obviously not.
I remember watching Flair as I grew up. I think he got like one offensive maneuver in per match, made slugs look like gods, but you knew he was still the greatest. It was his selling. Guys are always like, "I gotta get this in." "I need to get these moves in." I'm like, "no, you don't, that's not how you get over, its by selling." In fact, once you become incredibly proficient at selling as a heel, it becomes very hard to remain a heel. Its because the people want to cheer you because of how talented you are. All great sellers end up having to turn babyface at some point unless they are even better at showing their ass ('nother lecture).
Selling is an artform. It's a frigging artform and no one cares about improving their skills in it. I want to vomit. A lot of today's problems stem, through no fault of their own, from, first, the Road Warriors, then Shawn Micheals. The Road Warriors' gimmick was they didn't sell, not their fault, but the promoters. They influenced a whole generation of giant, jacked up, no selling wannabes, emphasis on the no-selling. When the steroid scandal hit, Vince went with Bret and Shawn. Shawn was so incredibly brilliant on all levels as a performer and probably was a bigger influence on today's generation of wrestlers than any five people combined. They all saw the crazy high flying highspots he did, and said, "I want to do that too." So they learned all his high spots, except they never learned like he did, how to sell, or psychology. So even though it's not his fault, a whole new generation of Shawn Micheals wannabes (a phenomenal legacy he should be proud of, even more than all the world titles) took to the air. Hopefully, they'll come down and learn some selling, if not, I'll just be some crappy old timer screaming through the curtain, yelling at the monitor, and pissing on people's matches. Look, anybody can sell, they just gotta use their brain. Oh wait, now I get why nobody sells, they're all f@#king brainless.
Trying to get a job on the Muppets with the 2 other crabby old timers in the balcony.
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