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Raven's Log | Stardate: 2.23.05
Where the fuck is my lifetime supply of Red Lobster and socks?
Your responses to my last journal entry brought forth some of the most ludicrous inane postings ever. I've decided to let you people do most of the work on this journal entry. What I mean by that is ... well, you'll see. In no particular order:
- I am not allergic to shellfish. That is just a vicious rumor invented and perpetrated by the Druids.
- Cori - "Coriholio" - funny.
- James Fiend - "he hypothetically cares" - very funny.
- The poncho is a Terry Funk homage and not to be used at a Gallagher concert, you jackasses.
- Goldy has obsessive compulsive Red Lobster disorder.
- James Fiend during his viewing of 'One Night in Chyna' - "At exactly 1 minute 54 seconds, I just started shouting "X-PAC SUCKS, X-PAC SUCKS!!" - very funny.
- James Fiend, once again - "I think I'll sign up for the "Raven bashing idiotic fans is good and justified and entertaining" side of this biblical interpretational war. Would that make this side's "parallel" Catholic, since we aren't the ones protesting (protestants)." - Outfuckingstanding.
- baby dick fuck - very cool.
- "TiVo rocks the monkey wrench" - no idea what it means, but I know what I like.
- What about the fact that Vic has turned our site into some personal nookie factory?
- Peppermint Girl wrote - "Attila (the hun) drank himself to death - ok, ok, he choked on his own blood only after he drank enough not to notice his nose was bleeding" - Very educational and informative.
- ninraven - "Raven's journals are hilarious, totally my kind of humor, I work in a kitchen and all we ever do is make fun and rag on everyione. You should hear some of the stuff. Like the other day, this one new guy had missed work and wrote his schedule wrong, but we like him, so we just ragged on him all through lunch and if he didn't know we were joking, he probably would've grabbed one of the knives and stabbed all of us.
I love the fact that Raven is so comfortable with us, he can be like that with us. Some wrestlers just have so lame journals or entries or used to ... I haven't read them in years and they were updated once in a blue moon, so I didn't really care about them and would never dare to insult fans in a joking manner.
Really, Raven's right though. We, even his loyal fans, can criticize him sometiomes and he can do the same to us though its always in a loving way, though I am tired of explianing this and if people don't get that he's not serious or sarcastic in a way, it's no use. You just won't be able to enjoy the journals.
So, really, it's their loss.
Anyway, whatever, I feel stupid for pointing out the obvious." - I couldn't have explained it better.
Yes, you can discuss my tattoos, I could care less. Where's this nonsensical dictum that you couldn't come from?
What about 'The Lion in Winter?' Is no one gonna watch that? My God, what is wrong with you people, its brilliant. One of the greatest movies ever made. In fact, no more journal entries forever 'til you people watch it. Yeah, yeah, I know, it seems like forever since the last journal entry. Wotta a revolting development.
Part of the reason there hasn't been a new journal entry is because I haven't been able to wade through the responses to the last one. Holy crap, we're all dumber for having read your responses. Lame. Really fucking lame. Really fucking lame responses. From the girls who think they're being controversial, who are really just kind of childishly annoying, to the relentless drivel on Red Lobster, there has been a complete lack of anything interesting or informative. The Red Lobster bit could've been funny if:
a) There was something else intelligent happening.
b) It wasn't so overdone.
Now, there is nothing i like better than a joke that is overkilled. I really do, because first, its kind of funny, then its not funny, then its really funny, then its really really funny. But, this was so relentless, it actually went back to unfunny, which I didn't think was possible. No, I didn't wake up drinking a glass of haterade, that is just my opinion. You are entitled to your opinions too. If my matches suck, I know I will hear about it and, no, it won't bother me, unless you are wrong, which, odds are, you probably are.
I have a giant Ted Dibiase sized head. In fact, it is a size 8. I never wear hats because
a) They don't fit.
b) They make my head itch.
However, there is an exception to the rule. The ECW hat that came with the DVD. That thing fits and doesn't itch and it's black and it says ECW on it. So, since mine is wearing out, if anyone has one they don't intend to wear, send it to me and I will wear it.
There was a blog (thread) about my legacy and I thought Discipline had the best response concerning how I will be viewed by future generations. "If one were to listen to Jasmine St. Claire, then his legacy will be that of a locker room nudist with a large cock." I don't think I've ever heard anything so beautiful. Speaking of beautiful prose, some poster was mentioning thst he is a big Clifford Odets' mark, America's greatest playwright. Well, guess what, he's my uncle. He is. Well, actually, my great uncle. He's my granny's brother. Just another member of the insane Raven family. What most impressed me about the man, is he fucked both Marilyn Monroe and Cary Grant. Apparently, he worked on top for both promotions. Or maybe he was on the bottom for one of them - bwahahahahahaha.
Some schmuck named Gabe, not Sapolsky (he's my buddy), booked me for a show this sunday. I got two other offers for the same date, including one at a casino where I could've played poker run by the Youngbloods, not the group who sung one of my all-time favorie songs, 'Get Together,' but the Indians, whose older brother, Jay, was in some classic tag matches before dying way too young. Anyhoo, I called this guy Gabe, 905-682-4721, and he swore he wasn't gonna cancel. Me being loyal, I gave my word to him first, told the Youngbloods I couldn't do their show, even though my gut was saying, this guy's gonna cancel. Well, he did cancel and didn't even have the balls to come and tell me. I just sorta realized it when he wouldn't return my calls and never sent a plane ticket. So, no one ever go see a show by this guy. Also, you probably shouldn't call the guy and complain. I mean, where would you get his phone number to do that? Oh crap, did I accidentally give out his number earlier? Ooh my, what a mistake. Geez, I hope no one bugs this guy morning, noon and night. That would be terrible. I mean, that would only be fair, but no sirree, I could never condone that. Whatever you do, don't call and bug this guy for fucking me out of a payoff and screwing me out of taking someone else's gig.
'It hurts my brain when people write like five year olds. They should at least write like ten year olds.' - Cori.
P.S. We here at TheRavenEffect.com have decided that since beauty is in the eye of the beholder, then we would like to be the beholder. With that in mind, we will be staging the first ever TheRavenEffect beauty contest. All one needs to do to enter is send a picture of herself (sorry, this is for women only), clothed , unclothed, or preferably in a bathing suit. The winner will receive a phone call from yours truly, a t-shirt, autographed pictures, and the title of Ms. Raven Effect 2005. If this sounds like a sexist ploy for me to meet hot chicks, then shame on you for figuring it out. Anyhoo, all entries must be submitted to me by March 31st. You can mail them to me at my P.O. box, where I haven't received anything cool in a while (hint hint), or I'm sure Vic will suss out some internet way of getting them to me which is far outside the scope of my knowledge. Raven, Door 457, 3232 Cobb Pkwy, Atlanta, GA. 30339.
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