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march 4, 2006
i being of sound mind and hung body-- not to be confused with a hung jury, which means either the jury is a bunch of unagreeable morons or, sitting in a jurybox, having returned from the dead, is johnny holmes,-- have decided to end my self imposed silence(whilst working on my physical health problems) and say that i really didn't receive crap for my birthday or xmas , although the few the Boss got were outstanding , emphasis on few, oh, and you people suck. not only is the boss a fan of run-on sentences, but he also typed this mess himself. if i didn't have a thyroid condition, i would urinate on every one of you, except Cori, who would just enjoy it. although what my thyroid condition and urine have to do with each other is anybody's guess. it reminds me of the time my third grade teacher said use urinate in a sentence, and i said urinate, but if you had bigger tits you'd be a ten. even in 3rd grade, the boss was a perv.
anyhoo, since i am still working on my thyroid and not ready to begin correspondence on a regular basis, i will allow my secretary moneypenny to write today's journal for me. she used to be sexforapenny, but that is another story for another time. so without further adieu-doo, my "journal entry."
P.S. This month's A/V Club selection -- the TV show 'Profit' on DVD. It's fucking brilliant.
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Raven’s Log – Stardate: _/__/__
First of all, allow me to express my amazement that you flunkies could write forty-five pages on my September entry. Something clever, then outrage, horror, chastisement and assignment to penalty box…blah blah blah…then suddenly Olive Garden, so I am disappointed that my three sentences and nyah nyah nyah for January only merited eight. What? I wasn’t captivating enough for you? I have some copies of My Dog Spot that are absolutely scintillating. Next time I may have to use even smaller words to match your small imaginations.
There has been weeping and wailing, nail biting and rending of clothing about my health and where I have been. I have been gone for reasons that are only known to close associates and whores in the know. The Boss works in mysterious ways, secretly building devices of mass destruction with his Acme mail-order kits and speaking about himself in third person for reasons unknown. I am Raven E. Coyote, Super Genius. Mark my words, you marks; when I return all will be revealed.
A huge thanks to Anghell for answering my music search. I tried posting it on the forum. No offense to any of you and your preferences, but I know what I like and I didn’t want to be deluged with crap people want me to try which I am not interested in. My request was specific: I was looking for classic rock, but not the same old, same old. I wanted my classic rock but different versions, live rare versions, orchestra versions, etc., and she brilliantly rose to the occasion. Thank you for reading the fine print.
In case I didn’t state the obvious, I like presents. Thanks to everyone for the gifts for Christmas, Valentine’s Day and Groundhog Day (I was kidding that that is my favorite holiday, you monkeys; it’s actually President’s Day). Thanks to ____ for my very favorite gift for the year. Thank you to ____ for the ______, Indis for the amusing pirate captain artwork, and to ____, for the _______. I prefer shirts (3XL), DVDs, artwork and hookers. I am a greedy bastard. Send the Boss more presents. The mailwoman wants me. I can tell by the way she puts her packages in my box.
Your reading assignment for this month: read Revelations by Dark Horse comics; it is a 6-issue story. All issues are already printed. It has a great story and has good twists. I had my suspicions and thought to myself in the first issue, “I bet this is the swerve”. And I was correct. Kill your TV, unless it’s a TiVo, and go buy this comic. The Boss says so. I will expect feedback.
Finally, thanks to my Ms. Moneypenny, Angie, for the work.
Yours truly and hung like no one’s business,
Raven
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