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raven's blog | stardate december 8, 2008

today we will be discussing many things, most of them unimportant. we will discuss things frivolous, pointless, and ludicrous. case in point, the heat miser and the cold miser now have a new xmas special. basically the suits at the networks have finally realized what we in tv land knew all along; that these funky ass young brothers from the hood are money. of course you'd have to be stone cold tripping if you thought anything else. they are like walking greenbacks, a veritable atm if you will. they are as salt and pepa once ubiquitously said "in effect".

on a side note, we arent actually in tv land. tv land is where tv stories take place. so where are we then? and do we really care?

well, obviously that paragraph went on for far to long. and as always per my ramblings, we are much dumber for having read it.


on to more important things . . . or less important depending on your tastes. hmmm, yes i believe, definitely less. i was reading an article in time magazine the other day.

now first of all, i dont just read comics you smug little bastards. i mainly read comics. why, just the other year i bought a book. it was don rickles autobiography. he 's one of my all time heroes dont you know. in fact, he just recently put out a second book although to be honest, i still havent read the first one. so maybe as an example, that isnt very good. i have probably bought about a dozen books over the last few years that i full well intend to read, but, i just never seem to have the time. to be fair, i still have about 250 back issues of comics to read, plus about 30-40 new comics each week, and all my new tv programming to watch, as well as all what i have tivoed. its a wonder i have time to be fanned by large eunics waving palm fronds while watchind assorted dvds. and dont start with me on earning a living. who has time for that.

i do however fit the following into my busy schedule. usually from the commode. i read the following periodicals cover to cover weekly or monthly, depending on their schedule; time magazine, playboy(it has great nudity to accompany the . . . uh, great nudity), tv guide(love the new format, hated the old one. i abhorred the previous bullshit, shrink wrapped size that was made for trolls, elves, fairy folk, children, and people with really small hands), rolling stone(once again, love the new format, hated the old one. it was an unwieldy, oversized, big gulp monster of a magazine designed for giants, golems, ultraman and johnny holmes's cock).

back to the article, it was about people who are collectors and why. i understand wanting the pretty shiny objects, b/c they are . . . uh, pretty shiny objects. i get that we want to make ourselves look better than everyone else, thank you very much, or b/c it make us feel good inside. or simply b/c we have cross addicted from weed, to alcohol to opiates, to cocaine, to ecstasy to opiates, to gambling to opiates to shopping. fortunately for us, we dont know anyone like that. if one is to cross addict, it is much better, a) to wear cross trainers and b) to shop til you drop. it is much healthier and safer than doing drugs and it also explains why i have an inordinate amount of unique stuff in every conceivable interest but also hopefully why i will never have to hang out/be tormented by gary busey and jeff conaway while monitored by dr drew.

the part that makes me curious is why it is so hard to give the stuff up no matter how useless it may be, no matter how much space it takes up, no matter if never , ever in a million years would we ever use it. although "i'm saving it because it might have value someday" sounds like a pretty good reason and remotely valid, i'm pretty sure the broken big wheel with no pedals is never ever gonna be worth dick.

i get the accumulation part, i really do, but the inability to relinquish, that is the part that baffles me. i am a pack rat by nature, so yes i absolutely include myself in this absurd lifelong mania. i have contemplated this fatal flaw for many a fortnight (whatever a fortnight is). why i ask, am i and others such complete and utter loonies?

now me and the missus, we plan on buying a new house and moving soon but there is a hitch. we have so much stuff, or rather i have so much stuff that it is imperative that we must unburden ourselves from it. this includes shit sitting in boxes that no one has any idea what may be lurking in there. its like a grab bag of life. there is artwork i will never, ever hang on a wall again and yet, they like everything else are my babies and i dont want them to ever grow up and leave the nest. there are clothes i will never wear again, yet stylish=2 0enough that i go, i should hang onto it, yet knowing full well "what for" b/c i will not wear it, i have too much new shit to wear. it isnt that the clothes arent stylish, b/c they are. my shit is popping. my shit does looks good. i got some cool ass shit. there are all sorts of stuff in those boxes from the ridiculous to the sublime. some boxes are just storage for more boxes.

in trying to convince myself to part with said stuff, i become rather melancholy not unlike shakespeare's great dane. see, my buddy shakespeare down the street has this big old great dane that is always on prozac. for some reason he named it hamlet. i actually have to argue with myself just to put new items on ebay. i know people will give my stuff a good home, but still, its very sad to relinquish it. to paraphrase the great bard, " to sell or not to sell, that is the question. whether tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of ebay or to leave all my stuff in a sea of storages" as of yesterday, we finally got the ebay store up and moving. we got it moving moving. i like to move it, move it. we like to move it move it, i like to move it, yeahhh. oh c'mon, admit it, you loved it when the little lemurs danced around in madagascar. especially the little andy richter one with the big eyes. he was so cute. . . oh, blow me, you thought he was adorable too.

as i was saying, we are finally getting items, lots of items, up on the ebay store and we will be putting up new stuff at least once a week if not more. i will probably also throw raven, scotty flamingo, and johnny polo, one of a kind stuff up there as well. i will try to keep starting prices low b/c i remember when i used to put stuff up, people complained it wasnt cool that there wasnt enough inexpensive stuff. there will be clothes, jewelry, swords, comics, statues, odds and ends, etc. as we speak, i am being de-programmed by specialists in pack rat de-programming, so you never know what kind of cool stuff will turn up. i got some seriously cool stuff, and since i keep buying more, i gotta do something with the old. ooh, i wonder what i can cross addict to now. oooh, exciting, ooooh. i am oohing like merv griffin now, ooooh.

dont forget, sign up for the fan club. we had originally planned to start it sooner, but then we wanted to wait for the new look on the site, and now i think people are confused as far as the timeline; when to sign up, whether you need to express interest before you sign up. so, just join up. join up through the site, or, if u have any questions, email office@theraveneffect.com and they will tell you all you need to know. finally, and most importantly; raven's christmas list. obviously no one is being forced into getting me gifts; actually, now that i think about it, several people are, but that's neither here nor there. remember, send gifts early and often. i love presents, its the pack rat in me. no trying to cure me of it til after the holidays. be sides, i'll need replacement stuff for all the stuff i'm getting rid of. its all very zen-lke. there is a beautiful symmetry to it. i love it when a plan comes together.

raven's list pre 1980 comics,
70's soul music, like curtis mayfield, the book godel escher bach, has anyone read that, its supposed to be brilliant (hey, i may get around to reading it), a robe, i need a new robe, cool ass boots, size 13, cool ass watches, no other jewelry though, unless its cool ass. be creative. i'd like a gig as a regular or semi regular on a talk radio show or a regular radio show. i'd like paid speaking engagements. i'd like more acting gigs. hey, i gotta have a career after wrestling. or, i'd like instead of all that, a couple million dollars, that way i wont need a career after wrestling, or get me nothing. but if you get me nothing, make sure you give a couple bucks to charity. and by bucks, i mean small deer.

speaking of w atches, how many people are interested in raven watches with a cool raven logo on it. they would be like 25$ if we go ahead and order a bunch. but i dont want to buy a bunch and no one purchases them. that would be dumb. if that sounds cool, either email office@theraveneffect.com or discuss it on the forum. also if you got a cool idea for a new tshirt or for a watch logo, let us know. the sooner the better so hopefully we can have some stuff for you by xmas as xmas gifts.

raven out

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