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This is my tribute to Kanyon.
He was one of my closest friends, in the business or otherwise. I should have posted this much sooner, but sometimes life gets in the way. And more importantly, I wanted every word to be exactly perfect.
Raven
Of those who have chosen this profession, I can think of very few that would trade it for any other. We recognize however, with a deep and indelible sadness that as incredibly high as the highs can be, the lows can be drastically lower. If we are not employed by the same company, it is possible to go weeks, months, or as mind-boggling as this may seem, even years without seeing our truly close friends.
My wife says I don't live in the real world because I get comped for concerts, and amusement parks and cover charges and all sorts of things. I don't wait in lines, I don't have to wake up at 7 for a nine to five job. However, I sleep so poorly that every night I wake at least 7-8 times forcing me after a few days to sleep 10-12 hours just to catch up. With all the injuries, travel, time away from loved ones, emotional baggage, sleep disorders, addictions, etc, it can make it hard for those who do what we do to function in the real world. Add being bi-polar (manic-depressive) into the equation like it was for Kanyon and some days it can be damn near impossible.
But one thing that is real, and, far more real for people who do what we do than for those living a normal life are the friendships. When we are on the road together, we're inseparable. We spend more time with friends when we are on the road than we do with loved ones. We are more like family than friends, even the ones we don't particularly like. We wake up, meet for breakfast, go to the gym, eat again and drive to the show together. The drive alone can sometimes take 5 or 6 hours one way, which means 5 or 6 hours back the other way. We hang out backstage together, sometimes we perform together, and then we turn around and drive back, but not without stopping to eat again. At that point, sometimes we go out, or sometimes we go back to the hotel. But the day isn't over yet, even though it's well after midnight and we've just spent anywhere from 10-16 hours together. Now we call each other even though our rooms could be connected, (the lazy bastards we are) to plan tomorrow and see what the other one is watching on TV. If it's a good movie, or more specifically, local, indy, bad wrestling, . . . we'll even watch TV on the phone together. Then we get up and do it all over again, sometimes for weeks or months at a time.
I have missed Kanyon for a long time now. When he was in Atlanta, he made sure we got together and it was just like I had seen him yesterday. That is the kind of bond a friendship on the road builds. Sometimes we had the best time, sometimes we fought like two bitches . . . . and still had the best time, just like we always did.
I have missed Kanyon for a long time now. You can say, when you weren't on the road together, there was always the telephone, but it wasn't the same and we were both cool with that. I was never a big phone person and somedays he was in so much pain, that he couldn't even look at a phone let alone talk on it, without being overwhelmed. All manic-depressives are different as to what extremes their manias and their depressions take. His depressions every year seemed to get a lot worse. It also didn't help that he hated taking his meds. But people do funny things when they are in pain.
I have missed Kanyon for a long time now. He texted me about 2 weeks ago and said he was just ending a brutal depression and thank God the mania part was coming. He said sorry to text at 4 am and did I want to talk. I said if you need to. He said don't worry, I'll talk to you this week. I made sure he knew day or night if he needed to talk, I would be there. I'm very proud of that. What I'm not proud of is; it was late and I was tired and I just wasn't in the mood to have a conversation, not unless "he really needed to", which he said he didn't. And so I didn't push the issue. I should have. I really should have and that is something I'll have to live with. As someone who is all too aware of scenarios like this, I know that nothing I could have said or done would have changed the final outcome, but I would have had one more chance to spend time with my friend and that is something I will have to live with. I have missed Kanyon for a long time now.
He was a wonderful, kind, stubborn, goofy, homosexual, talented beyond his pushes, funny as hell, human being who got to live his dream by becoming a professional wrestling star, and a very bright one at that. He, right now, is absolutely beaming that his obituary made not only the L.A. Times, but CNN and many others. That would have made him so happy and proud, that his career resonated like that. As fantastic as his achievements were, I can only imagine how much greater they would have been if he wasn't manic-depressive.
His nickname for me was the man-child, and if you know me well, it fits. But what made that nickname so wonderful is he was exactly the same. He never lost his wide-eyed, child like exuberance no matter how much the business, or being bi-polar beat him down. I'm positive his no longer being able to wrestle full time truly exacerbated his manic-depression and sad to say, probably broke his heart. Combine that with not having the structure of a full time regular (9-5) or irregular (wrestling) job contributed more than anyone realizes to his being depressed. People need structure. There is no structure in being a part time wrestler.
I have missed Kanyon for a long time now and that makes me unbearably sad, but my friend is finally out of pain and that makes me truly overjoyed. I just wish there would have been some other way for that to occur. I'm grateful for his friendship, the time we spent together, and most importantly the memories I'll always cherish.
I will miss Kanyon for all time now. I'd like to close with the only 4 words that fit this somber occasion.
Who betta than Kanyon
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