Raven's Blog | Stardate: December 21, 2008

i need to put up a blog, but i have been very busy, so instead of depriving my adoring public, as i have many times in the past, i am going to improvise. i will attempt to do two things at the same time.

I am at Walmart grocery shopping. i am also blogging. i am blogging and shopping. I'm shopping at Walmart because no one else carries my favorite cereal, it's very distressing. i like cereals with fruit but not boring stupid fruit like raisins and dates. are they even fruits. a raisin is just a former fruit, like anne heche, and dates are what she went on to mooch off of ellen.i like tasty fruits, or fruity fruits or even tropical fruits. The name of the cereal i get in the states is Kellogg's Fruit Harvest, Strawberry, Blueberry flavored. i used to be able to get it at Kroger's, but now I have to shop elsewhere's to get my cereal fix. It's like heroin to a junkie. or pinching to a doberman. I eat at least a couple of bowls of cereal a day. why, do you ask? because its fast, easy to prepare, good for you, and its comforting to eat the same thing every day. i am sure everyone has a food or someone they eat every day . . . uh, you dont, hmmm, well i do. i find it to be nutritious and delicious or perhaps i'm superstitious, but i like that its repetitious. i am also a user of fat free, extra protein lactose-intolera nt milk, unless there isn't any. i mention that for absolutely no reason whatsoever since i am not actually lactose intolerant. (well maybe slightly if i must be honest)

if i'm on the road with a few nights in the same hotel, instead of constantly eating at applebees, fridays, bennigans, chilis, crack-whore barrel, or some other equally unique on the surface but oddly similar when you look closely chain restaurant, i'll go to a Walmart and a grab a box of fruit harvest, some lactose-intolerant milk, and have it for a post match meal as well as eat it the next day for breakfast . . . and maybe lunch. uh, . . . and perhaps, post match again the following night. and then definitely for breakfast. unless i get blueberry pancakes instead, b/c i loves me some pancakes. its handy and dandy, and tastes like candy, and should never ever be accompanied by barry manilow mandy.

how bout that rhyme, hear the flow. just like the mississippi, like the crimson tide . . . . i'm not saying its good, i'm just saying it flows.

what i do like about all the differently themed yet remarkably similar restaurants i mentioned above is, is that they all remind me of home. they all have like 18,000 pieces of crap adorning the walls. they have everything from art to tchotkes, white elephants to dogs playing poker, old school signs, memorabilia, un-memorabilia, and just good old fashioned schlock =C 2of the lowest order all on display for your viewing pleasure. if done by some professional interior decorator it instead would hold about 17 pieces of art ranging from the always exciting "sailing ship", to the even more fascinating "windmill".

i like stuff. you know that. we all know that. my house is ca-rammed with stuff, (to much stuff for my house to contain, hence my ebay store), so it makes me feel all warm and homey-like to dine in those fine establishments.
back to cereal.

wrestling in australia is amazing for all the reasons i have listed in the past and one i will explain now. in Australia they have so many different cereals with so many different fruits inside, its like disney world in my stomach. there are so many different brands with papayas and mangoes and coconuts and berries and sultanas and hell i cant even think of them all. and each box or brand has at least 3 different fruits per box. at least 3, not 1 or 2 like stupid american cereals; and no smartass, sultanas are not raisins. they arent even remotely similar. well maybe they're third cousins once removed who happened to date the same girl in high school but sultanas taste great and raisins taste dumb, so there! sultanas are dried up white grapes as opposed to raisins which are dried up . . . dark grapes, so as you can see, barely a similarity at all . The cereal is the best part of Australia. Well, maybe not, i mean australia is beautiful,and there is so much to see and do, but they do make a mean cereal.

Right now, I am looking at ahi tuna. dont forget, i am still grocery shopping. I like ahi tuna. My wife usually does the shopping, but tonight she is listing stuff on eBay. i definitely have severe add. i used to have adhd, but i changed it b/c adhd took to long to say.

Ok, now I am looking at Lean Cuisine pizza b/c I have to be prepared to microwave a lot of my meals since I eat at least 5 or six times a day. not big meals. she cooks me a couple meals a day, but as a man-child (kanyon's words for me) i have to be able to fend for myself at least a few times a day. its very sad.

apropos of not much and perplexingly, my wife can eat more at one sitting than i can, yet she has a 6 pack of abs even when she isnt working out. that is so irritating . . . but sexy as hell! . . but really f%$king aggravating.

Now, I am in the veggie aisle, I used to hate veggies and believe it or not, i had never eaten a veggie before the age of 40. But now, I love them. and speaking of veggies, what about the green giant? i think he was a pederast, thats why he was so jolly. no wonder you never see the little green sprout, he's in witness protection.

it is becoming harder and harder as you can p robably tell, to come up with entertaining prose, dictate it, and shop at the same time. and as if it wasnt hard enough to say something intelligent to begin with, i cannot seem to find what i'm looking for. I'm looking for Michelanagelo frozen dinners, which are awesome, but i can't find them. where the f@#k are they. What a sad and sorry state of affairs. Did I pass it? No? Maybe its the next row. Hmm, I'll search again. does anybody really give a rats ass about my grocery shopping? do i care if they care? do they care if i care if they care. where the hell is the michaelangelo frozen dinner department. I gotta find this food. Where the hell is it? Bastards.

The fanclub. The boss, has to say (thats me, I'm the boss) that I am perturbed that turnout has been low and pretty much pathetic. The ones who did want to join I commend them. but we may have to cancel (which i think we actually did) unless we get some more people. We need to open a thread on why/how/what the dealio is with the fan club. does it need to be improved. Is it the price? Is it that you're worried about my particiption? Is it that I am mentally unstable? Is it that people are unhappy that I can't find Michelanagelo TV dinners? is it that the cereal is better in australia? Hey, you try doing a blog while you're grocery shopping. It's not as easy as it looks. I can't believe i can't find the michaelangelo tv dinners ... son of a bitch.

ebay store is doing great, thank you everyone, and now a quick plug, new merch will be going up today or yesterday or . . . well actually it depends what day vic gets this up. so take a look, you never know what you'll find. i will also be putting higher end raven stuff up there. so take a gander. prison break, which was always good, has become amazing, and they are the only people nice enough to put out a new episode on xmas week

happy holidays
lemon out

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